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Have you ever felt being pinned
down on a space between doing what you should do and doing what you want
to do? Did you ever encounter a
situation that you wanted to do something but you can’t? Why? Because it is
something against your rule, religion, belief, values at kung ano ano pa? Sa dami ng reason, you end up convincing
yourself that you should not do it? Or
hindi pwede kasi masisira ang image ko, or hindi kasi ako ganong klase ng tao….
pero deep inside you, ”humuhulagpos” (ang lalim niyan ha) ang damdamin na pilit
mong itinatago. Then in the end… kahit
naconvince mo na sarili mo that you are doing something right… still you feel
miserable. Because alam mo that it is
the other thing that you’ve been lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnging… and
wannnnnnnnnnnnting to do.

 

All of us, one way or another
have experience the same thing. Some
might have chosen to do what they should and just take the agony and pain
reality of longing and wanting. And some
(maybe a few) took the risk and did what they want and enjoy the happiness
along side with the worries. Whichever
way you took… it actually does not matter. The important thing is… may napala ka ba, totoo bang masaya ka? Pagkatapos ba ng lahat… whatever happiness
you felt… is it worth all the trouble?

 

Someone once told me, “God has
given you this life, you have to leave it the way you want it. Kasi hindi naman mangyayari kung hindi
niya ginustong mangyari.” But some chooses to live the safer way… kahit
kulang ang saya, kahit kulang ng kulay at least tahimik ka. (sabi mo) We pretend to be happy with the decisions
that we make dahil yon ang tama. We
choose the lesser evil ika nga.

 

“You argued with your partner,
nagalit ka kaya kahit na nakailang sorry
na kunyari galit ka pa din, pero actually gusto mo lang suyuin ka. Pinigilan mo sarili mo na kausapin siya kahit
na sa loob mo gusto mo lang yakapin siya.”

 

“He tried to touch you, you
backed away. Pademure ka kunyari
conservative ka pero deep inside kinikilig ka naman pala.”

 

“Mahal mo siya, ayaw mong sabihin
kasi babae ka nga ikaw dapat nililigawan. Mahal ka niya kaso torpe siya kaya
ayon puro titigan lang ginagawa ninyo.”

 

“Gusto mo siyang makausap,
sobrang miss mo na siya. Peo ayaw mo tawagan dahil maparide ka pero pag narinig
mo ang pag “hello” niya nagiiyak ka.

 

“You wanted to feel, touch, kiss
him, but you rather not kasi its against your belief. Kailangan babaing maria clara ka. Pero sa bawat pagpikit ng mata mo, you were
fantasizing him.” (magpakatotoo ka kasi!!!)

 

We don’t intend this things to
happen, we don’t want all this feelings to reside in us but in reality it
does. Masaya… Masakit… Masarap … mabuhay
na kaakibat ang lahat ng yan… but what do you do if you felt all of it? Nothing… but just to write…

 

Here is something, I read from a
friends Blog, kung nakakarelate kayo… then at least hindi lang pala ako
nagiisa. Kung hindi naman, pray that it
doesn’t happen to you… because its sad… frustrating… but true.

 

 

Why must there be hesitations for
the things we want?

Why not throw all cautions to
the wind and let it lead us to only God knows what?

Why should there be fear of what
could be

That only leaves us paralyzed,
unable to make things happen?

The indecisions only makes one
lose time, the moment and chance,

Then all of a sudden one
realizes it is gone, moved on to the other

Who’s not afraid to grasp it and
possess it.

Opportunities are only realities
to those who are willing to take risks.

Risks of danger and pain in
giving in to what we truly want.

Indeed…I am too afraid.