Archive for September, 2006

Missing someone from the past..

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

I am feeling alone… lonely… down… at kung ano-ano
pa. Eh, wala naman akong problema, gusto
kong malasing wala naman akong maisip na dahilan, gusto kong umiyak eh ano
naman kaya ang aking iiyakan? Ah!
Ewan! Pero ito ang aking mga
nararamdaman… is it just me, myself and I or it must be the weather? On a rainy or rather stormy day like this ang
dami ko

kami memories na pwedeng balikan…

 

Things tulad ng mala-magpakailanmang eksena with an
ex-boyfriend na bigla kong nakita after 13 years… mga tawag sa telepono sa
kalagitnaan ng ulan na nakatunganga ako sa terrace ng bahay ko… mga panahon ng
pagtambay sa Starbucks, Coffee California or Seattles Best, para magpainit
habang pinaguusapan ang mga nakakatuwang chat sessions sa A1 at ang maghapon at
magdamag na pagtunganga at pagtawa sa harap ng pc kahit magmukha ka ng baliw.

 

Remembering this… I just went online at pinuntahan ko
ang yahoogroup, naisip ko baka may kailangan akong iapprove or ideny na mga
memberships… kaso wala din so, naisip kong balikan ang mga lumang emails na
taon na ang binilang eh nandon at mababasa mo pa din. High tech na ang site natin may “search
feature” na, kaya nagsearch ako syempre, nabasa ko ang mga jokes, mga
panawagan, mga pagtatalo, mungkahi at lahat ng mga lumang emails ay nakatuwaan
kong basahin… then may naisip akong
i-search ang “news” gusto kong mabasa ang mga walang kwentang balitaan natin sa
A1, hindi ako matigil sa katatawa. Ay, naku grabe talaga!

 

Then something catched my eye upon browsing on the
good news and bad news emails na nandon… there is this certain email, nakakataba
ng puso ang mga nakalagay don, nakakakilig actually… then I just sigh… wag
ninyo ng itanong kung ano kasunod ng sigh na yon hehehe…

 

But, I would like to share it with you one last time…
J
para mapangatawanan ang pagiging feeling down ko, at pagbigyan ninyo na ako
dahil nagsisikip ang dibdib ko … here it is…

 

Ejiev: ay! daming nakatingin!
nakakahiya!!!heheheheh! thanks for all that you’ve shown me…the kindness, thoughtfulness,
the hospitality and higit sa lahat…..sa love! (uuuy! inggit sila o!) There
are things that stay with our memory for just a short while pero matatagalan
siguro bago ko makalimutan ang lahat ng pinagsamahan natin. (naks! Heavy drama
ah!) Admit na ninyong lahat na once na may nameet kayong interesting person sa
net whether for love or friendship…….aabangan at aabangan ninyo ang
paglog-in ng taong yun just to be happy…and for me that person is Ejiev. No
amount of words will be enough to thank her for all the joy she’s given me. Although,
I’ve spent most of my life in the states, where we work our ass off day in and
day out….it’s really nice to have someone like Ejiev to always make me feel
right at home. I’ll miss you sweetie!

 

Those were
the days hehehe… Pero feeling ko tamang mabasa ko ulit ito ngayon J

 

To be
honest, I missed those days, (aminin ko na bang “I miss the guy?” hahaha)  minsan I try to go back to the same place but
circumstances won’t let me… hindi ako maka contact sa phone or hindi ko siya
makita online… so it must have been a sign na hindi na dapat balikan pa ang
nakaraan diba? Pero may hatid paring
lungkot ang mga alaala (naks drama!) may
hatid pa ring hapdi pag naririnig mo ang pangalan niya (wow! Sobra na ito!)…it
seem so unfair, he’s just an email or a phone call away pero hindi mo magawa…or
gusto ng puso mong gawin pero tumututol ang isip mo. Kaya kayo na lang ang pagsasabihan ko ha…
mailabas ko man lang ang bigat na dinadala ko. (parang pamilyar ito ha hehehe) So, kung sakaling ngayon niya ito ibinigay sa akin, ito naman ang sagot
ko…

 

Thank
you for the happy moments, long time calls, the laughter and tears that you
brought into my life. I have learned a
lot from those circumstances and I learned a lot from you… no matter how I
tried, I can’t find anyone who can give me the same pleasure, happiness and joy
that you have given me. No matter how, I
think of the not so good things that you’ve done to me, the misunderstandings
that we’ve had…never in my heart that I have found myself hating you or even
just getting mad at you… dahil lahat yon ay kayang burahin ng mga magagandang
bagay na ginawa mo para sa akin. The
friendship I kept in my heart will always be there… we might not have the
chance to see each other online, to talk to each other on the phone or to see
each other in person… I know I will remain your special friend… ‘cause that is
what I promised you before. So, on my
own, I will care for you… on my own, I will love you. So, take care… take care for

me.

:J

 

O ayan,
tama na drama at talagang pangcomedy lang ako!

Hope you
enjoyed sharing my kabaliwan, ang gusting magcomment ok lang kung ayaw naman
bahala kayo sa buhay ninyo hahahaha… Take care everyone!

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Aling Criselda… a woman full of hope and courage.

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

Hi Friends,

This is an old story I wrote,  I happen to found a copy of it on the unending pile of papers I have… this has inspired me, so thought of sharing it again to all my new friendster pal, I hope you’ll be inspired too.

Chiao,

Jie

Aling Criselda… a woman full of hope and courage.

By: ejiev_2000

Few years back when I was still working in Quezon City… hindi pa uso ang MRT non… so everyday to work… I take the aircon bus all the way from Bicutan to Quezon City.  One traffic jammed morning… nagmamadali pa ako dahil male-late na ako hehehe… at the bus stop I noticed a fat lady standing.  My attention was caught by the crutch under her right arm… a bus stopped in front of me and  I went up… I sat on the first row, the usual thing I do… the lady followed me and stood up beside the driver… then she started to talk loudly… greeting everyone good morning and then she said…  “I want to share with you the gospel of today”.  You will say this is a common sight and you would think that she is a member of a religious group or something.  But she is not. What I notice is that she is a smooth talker… she relates the gospel to her life and other peoples daily life… such us in the office, in the house, in school, in the market and everywhere… before you knew it engrossed ka na sa pakikinig sa kanya… and you start reflecting on your daily routine and try to think how you’ve been everyday.  After her preaching… she will say… “if you have few coins to spare me, I will forever thank you for it, because it can help me live a normal life”… only then  that I noticed she has only one leg and the crutch under her right arm says it all.  The man sitting beside me offered her his seat  and she smiled and gladly took the seat beside me.  Too much curiosity and pity brought me to talk to her.   She was really nice, she was jolly and funny… but as I look into her eyes I can see that there’s sadness and tears almost ready to flow as she told me what happened to her.  Victimized by hit and run.  She has 4 kids… who’s been out of school  trying to work hard… 2 boys as a construction worker and 2 girls one as a sales lady and the other selling banana cue and everything she can in front of their house in the squatter area beside the train rails in Bicutan.  Before the accident she was working and earning for the family… her husband died 7 years ago.  Her kids wanted to earn money to make her walk normally. She don’t want to sit inside the house doing nothing while her kids do the work… that’s why she was doing that.   I remember her telling me “kapal ng mukha ko no?  Nanghihingi, sabagay barya-barya lang naman yung sobra lang para sa iba at yung bukal sa loob lang na ibibigay.”   Then napansin ko na lang I have to go down na pala. Before I go down I reached down  on my purse got all the coins that I can find then put it to her small box and I said “Good Luck!” and I left her with a smile… she said “salamat at pagpalain ka ng Diyos!”

Almost everyday for a long time … I see her on that bus stop… trying to wiggle her way to ride the aircon bus, preaching and asking for help… although bihira ko syang makasakay but everytime I do… we say hi and talk for a while.  Then one day hindi ko na lang siya nakita… everyday I am wishing na sana makita ko siya ulit.  I wanted to know how she has been but days passed by hindi ko talaga siya nakita for more than a year, she wasn’t there on the usual site at the bus stop.  Then as time passed by and I forgot all about her.

Then two weeks ago… I was seating in the front  row of an aircon bus busy texting some friends I heard someone said “I would like to share with you the gospel of the day”… when I heard that line… I looked up and saw the same lady again… but this time the crutch is nowhere in site.  She did her stuff… read the bible… preached the same soothing way that will touch everyone’s heart.  And her parting message says… “Salamat sa inyong lahat na nagbigay ng tulong sa akin… sa lahat ng taong bukal sa kalooban na nagbigay ng barya… dahil sa inyo nandito ako ngayon, normal na nakakalakad, nakakapagtrabaho.  Habang buhay kong tatanawing utang na loob ito at habang ako’y nabubuhay araw-araw tayong magkikita sa ganitong pagkakataon… sapagkat sa  ganitong paraan man lang ay mapasalamatan ko kayong lahat.  Salamat at pagpalain ng diyos ang ginintuan ninyong puso.” I couldn’t help but cry… she noticed me… she smiled and said “Naaalala kita… salamat ha.” She walked towards me extend a hand and as I held out my hand a tear fell on my cheek… then I asked “ano nga po pala ang pangalan ninyo?”… then we both laughed… imagine all those years ngayon ko lang tinanong ang name nya.

Until now, you can see her there every morning at the bus stop… doing as what she calls… “Pagbabayad utang”… she’s been doing it for almost 4 months now.

Everytime I remember her and her story… I get teary eyed. The courage that I see in her makes me realized that there is nothing impossible in this world… if you just have the guts and the will to do something to achieve it.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

485 dolls

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

Hi gang,

This is one of my favorite story, read on and you will realize that "It’s better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride …"

485 DOLLS

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.   

I always thought of him as a friend until last year,

when we went to a trip from a club.

I found that I fell in love with him.   
Before that trip was over, I took a step and

confessed my love for him.

And soon, we became a pair of lovers,

but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side,

there were so many other girls. 

To me, he was the only one, but to him,

maybe I was just another girl…

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.

"I can’t"

"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.

"No… I am going to meet a friend…"

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me,

like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word `love’ only came out from my mouth. 
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say `I love you’ before.
To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. 
He didn’t say anything from the first day

and it continued till 100 days…200days…

Everyday, before we say goodbye,

he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail.
I don’t know why…

Then one day

Me: Um, Jin, I …

Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..

Me: I love you.

Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my `three words’ and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday,

filled my room, one by one.
There were many… Then one day came,

my 15th year old birthday.

When I got up in the morning,

I pictured a party with him,

and stranded myself in my room,
waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed…

and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. 

It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.

Then around 2am in the morning,

he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep.

He told me to come out of the house. 

Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…

Jin: Here…take this…

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What’s this?

Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.

Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?

Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.

He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.

Then I shouted…"Wait…"

Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…

Jin: What?!

Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. 

But he just said simple cold words and left.

"I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."

That was what he said. Then he ran off.

My legs felt numb…and I collapsed to the ground.
He didn’t want to say it easily…
How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.

He didn’t call me, although I was waiting.

He just continued handing me a little doll

every morning outside my house. 

That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday. 

After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that…

I saw  him on a street…with another girl…

He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…

as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home

and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell…

Why did he gave these to me…
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…

In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.

Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. 

I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.

I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that…

it’s going to end.

Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen

and joking around.  Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don’t need it.

Jin: What….why…

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!!

I don’t want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me.
But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.

"I’m sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.

He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.

Then…

Honk~ Honk~

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted…

But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.

"Jin, move!"

HONK~!!

"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away

without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day! , I had to go through everyday with guiltiness

and the sadness of losing him…

And after spending two months like a crazy person…

I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since

The day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

"One…two… three…"

That was how… I started to count the dolls…

"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and > eighty five…"

It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. 

I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

"I love you~, I love you~"

I dropped the dolls,shocked.

"I….lo..ve…you??"

I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"

It can’t be!

I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.

"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"

Those words came out non-stop.

I…love you…

Why didn’t I realize that…. That his heart was always by my side,
protecting me.  Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much…

I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.

It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out,

the one that I was missing so much…

"Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other

for 486 days.
Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you….

Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll,

I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love
you…"

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god,

why do I only know about all this now?

He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became
courage… to live a beautiful life….

It’s better to lose your pride with someone you love

rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride …

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

485 dolls

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

Hi gang,

This is one of my favorite story, read on and you will realize that "It’s better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride …"

485 DOLLS

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.   

I always thought of him as a friend until last year,

when we went to a trip from a club.

I found that I fell in love with him.   
Before that trip was over, I took a step and

confessed my love for him.

And soon, we became a pair of lovers,

but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side,

there were so many other girls. 

To me, he was the only one, but to him,

maybe I was just another girl…

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.

"I can’t"

"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.

"No… I am going to meet a friend…"

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me,

like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word `love’ only came out from my mouth. 
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say `I love you’ before.
To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. 
He didn’t say anything from the first day

and it continued till 100 days…200days…

Everyday, before we say goodbye,

he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail.
I don’t know why…

Then one day

Me: Um, Jin, I …

Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..

Me: I love you.

Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my `three words’ and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday,

filled my room, one by one.
There were many… Then one day came,

my 15th year old birthday.

When I got up in the morning,

I pictured a party with him,

and stranded myself in my room,
waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed…

and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. 

It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.

Then around 2am in the morning,

he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep.

He told me to come out of the house. 

Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…

Jin: Here…take this…

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What’s this?

Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.

Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?

Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.

He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.

Then I shouted…"Wait…"

Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…

Jin: What?!

Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. 

But he just said simple cold words and left.

"I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."

That was what he said. Then he ran off.

My legs felt numb…and I collapsed to the ground.
He didn’t want to say it easily…
How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.

He didn’t call me, although I was waiting.

He just continued handing me a little doll

every morning outside my house. 

That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday. 

After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that…

I saw  him on a street…with another girl…

He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…

as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home

and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell…

Why did he gave these to me…
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…

In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.

Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. 

I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.

I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that…

it’s going to end.

Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen

and joking around.  Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don’t need it.

Jin: What….why…

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!!

I don’t want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me.
But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.

"I’m sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.

He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.

Then…

Honk~ Honk~

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted…

But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.

"Jin, move!"

HONK~!!

"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away

without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day! , I had to go through everyday with guiltiness

and the sadness of losing him…

And after spending two months like a crazy person…

I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since

The day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

"One…two… three…"

That was how… I started to count the dolls…

"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and > eighty five…"

It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. 

I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

"I love you~, I love you~"

I dropped the dolls,shocked.

"I….lo..ve…you??"

I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"

It can’t be!

I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.

"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"

Those words came out non-stop.

I…love you…

Why didn’t I realize that…. That his heart was always by my side,
protecting me.  Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much…

I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.

It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out,

the one that I was missing so much…

"Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other

for 486 days.
Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you….

Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll,

I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love
you…"

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god,

why do I only know about all this now?

He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became
courage… to live a beautiful life….

It’s better to lose your pride with someone you love

rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride …

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »