d_jie_spot

“I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else,

I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself,

I’d rather have bad times together than have it easy apart,

I’d rather have the one who holds my heart.”

    It was when Jie
was 19 when she felt the pain caused by a lost love. She loved PJ so much. Her world revolves only for him and at a
young age she was ready to give her life to him if he would ask  Then things changed, she just woke up one day
losing him over another girl not knowing how or why. Her pain caused her to lose every trust she
has on men and almost cost her to loose her life.  But
her family and friends never gave up showing her how important she is and did
not get tired of convincing her to move on.  Her dad, brought her to Talim Island to have peace and think things over, for two months her life around the waters and
being alone gave her a lot of time to think. Her friends took turns to stay with her. Her strength came from her family, friends and her faith that God will
take care of her. Jie’s only shelter of her true feelings is her room and her
writings. Where she cries to sleep every
night for as long as she can, until it
seemed that her tears were drained. Then came acceptance… and then she moved
on. She continued living, strived hard
to change herself from the naïve, sick
and weak person who gets everything with a cry …. to the liberated and strong
person that she has become now. She
learned to be strong and faced the world again…leaving her past behind and buried
her feelings with it… at least when no one is looking because only her knows
that no matter how she tried to hate and forget PJ… his memories hunts her to
sleep and always wakes her up crying.

Jie was tagged
to be a “man-hater” by all who know her. She showed every man he met that she’s stronger, wiser and smarter than
any of them. He beats every man who challenged her… from smoking, drinking,
sports/martial arts and even courting another girl. He accepts every challenge that any guy
offers to her and he dares each one of them to beat her on anything. She won
every challenge and gained respect from the guys she defeated and ended up being
their friends.  Once, her dad talked to
her, he said, “I’m happy that you’ve
found your life back but the person who came back was not my daughter anymore.”

 Sad… but what
her dad said was true. She became the
opposite of who she used to be…. until she met Dave. They became good friends, spent a lot of
times together. Dave devoted his time with
her, gave her his loyalty, stayed with her when no one seems to be there. He has become her shelter and shield to
anyone and anything that will and can hurt her. Until one day, Dave told her his true feelings. Jie resisted him, got mad and avoided him. But he did not give up, he continued courting
her and accepted every hard time she has given him. The more she pushed him away, the more he
stayed. She told him she has to go to
the states and stayed for good, and Dave cried; one time they were on a friends
birthday party, Jie intentionally called
Dave, PJ (the name of her ex). All he
did was kept quiet and said “all this time that you were with me, you were
still thinking of him.” He left with a
heavy heart, he went to his friends got drunk and the next days was
unimaginable for Jie. Dave stayed home,
everyday he was drunk, he stopped going to school, he stopped seeing his
friends. Jie received a letter from him and the only words were “I understand
if you cannot love me back, just remember no matter what happened I will love
you for the rest of my life.” That was
enough for Jie to bear, she saw herself in Dave, the same way when PJ left her,
that day forth she promised herself to give him a chance and that was enough
for Dave. He waited patiently, for a
year everyday he told her how much he loves her and her answer was just a
smile. One year of getting the same
answer from her, but he never complained. Until one Christmas day when Jie just
told him in the most passionate way she could that she loves him. Dave seemed to be the happiest guy on
earth.

 They both
thought that everything would be fine. But instead, it started a lot of
hardships and caused more problems for both of them. Their families have a big gap going on, they did
not like the fact that they are together; their community resented the fact
that they have a relationship going on because they belong to the opposite part
of it, Dave belongs to one of the richest family around and Jie belongs to the
middle class. Each took turns on doing
everything to separate them. Each and
everyday, new stories would be created… when Jie’s boss took her home, rumors
were they have a relationship; when Jie got sick and her family couldn’t pay
for the bill rumors were it was only Dave’s money that she was after. Dave never believed any of it. He took her out of the hospital and pay for
it every time she got sick, just to prove to her family that he will take care
of her. He took care of her, even if her
mom would bang all the dishes when his around and her Dad would close the door
in front of him each time he visits and
all he did was held her hand and ask her “can you tell me again how much you
love me?” Four years of that was not
easy to bear, but they stood hand in hand facing every moment of it. One day Jie said as Dave was holding her hand
“A saying goes like this, our hand is made with the space in between because
another hand will fit in it, now I know my hand perfectly fits in yours”, and
she cried. For so many months that she
did not let any one see her crying, he let here tears flow on her cheeks while
Dave is brushing them away.

 A few months
after, it was Jie’s turn to prove to every one who is against them how much she
loved Dave. Dave’s dad was down in bed
for 6 months and each day in the morning
before Jie goes to work she would pass by his house and feed his dad and gave
him therapy. At night after her work she
would pass by again, pray with him, sing for him until he fell asleep. No one was there to help Dave and her mom to
take care of his dad but Jie, instead of spending time out, they stayed at
Dave’s home and took care of his dad together until the day he died. She was at the mourning rights for almost one week
of little sleep, she helped as much as she can. Dave’s family and the whole community saw
what she did and that started their acceptance of Dave and Jie’s relationship.

 From then on
they were a couple that no one dared to break apart. After five years of being steady, they got
married and everyone celebrated with them. If there was one proof that they were accepted, was when their neighbors
showered them with rice grains while they are walking the streets from Dave’s
house to Jie’s place.

 Dave’s
sacrifices did not end there… from a guy who used to wear designer clothes, who
used to go out whenever he wishes and buy anything no matter how expensive it
could be, he turned out to be a responsible, simple person and took care of Jie
and her whole family the best that he can until now.

 Jie gained back
not only her life but herself … it was Dave and his love for her that made that
happen. With all their sacrifices, love
and respect for each other. Nothing and
no one will and can break them apart.

 Nothing in this
world is perfect, their marriage has its up and down. They are both aware of the possibility that at
some point one or both of them would want to get out… but they are also sure that they will not give up without a fight. Dave might end up liking another girl and Jie
might fall for another guy… but no one… not even the most attractive girl Dave
would see and not even the one guy who can make Jie laugh with one message  or make her day with just one smile has the
right to judge them. Because it is their
choice… to stay together for the rest of their life, no matter what odds there
may be.

I did not wrote
this to convince nor satisfy any one’s curiosity of why I am like this. Instead… I wrote this to show the world that
if by any chance there is truth on what other people might have said about him…
I don’t care, because no matter how many times he might hurt me or how many
times he might have tried to cheat on me… I will accept it, for if he wants to
take my life back… it is his right… since it is only him that gave it  to me. I rest my case.

 I hope people
will know that “I am a cup who has already found her saucer, all I need is just
a little cream on my coffee!”

Move… move on… move on jie…

There’s
nothing else left in here. 

Look around you and you will
see…

You’re left alone… that’s
creepy.

Open your eyes jie…

Open it wide and make it
clear.

You’ve lost them live by it…

Move on and wash away your
last tear.

My
YM is full can’t add no more and need to create a new to add new friends. I’m trying to convince myself that I have all
this friends around… I mean I have their number right, I know where they live
and I’m sure when and if I miss them so much I can just call, text, email or
ride a bus and go to their office or home.

Convincing
myself needs to have a proof so I visited my drinking buddy few years
back. It was good to see him, it was
fun, he’s still cute and funny and of course nothing has changed between us. But, we have few times that we were silent,
felt awkward and I think we’re both feeling the gap.

Then
he said, “really nice of you to come and visit. Miss na kita. I hope you told me your coming para we made
plans. As much as I want to invite you
for a drink or two I can’t may appointment ako.” That was fine by me… although I actually
thought he would make an effort since I came there just to see him.

On
my way home, I realized…he has moved on without me, just like everybody else. I
wish I can just accept that people come
and go… they just bumped into you one day and can be gone tomorrow without
leaving anything to comeback to or without leaving any trace of the friendship
that you’ve once had. I really wish that it would be that easy for me to let go
of the things and people that I once held so dear in my heart… so I don’t end
up missing them and crying myself to sleep.

Well
I have to learn it and live it or else… so let me start my moving on… with a song that I would like to dedicate
to them… Jojo, Loyce, Nicki, JC, Abi, Carla, Nero and Alvin.  Thank
you for all the memories… thanks for all the good things… I wish you all well.

Go
to the link to listen to the song…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUkl-7Lie7M

I’m
sharing you the lyrics as well…

All
good things…
All good things…
All good things…

Not sure where to go
Everybody I know
Says I’m too forgiving
And now that I’m gone
I don’t wanna move on
I just keep reliving

All good things
I wish you
All good things
Come to an end
All good things
I wish you well

Lost inside of my head
Empty side of the bed
I feel this place without you
I keep pushing the blues
‘Cause I know I don’t wanna lose
What I loved about you

All good things
I wish you
All good things
Come to an end
All good things
I wish you well

I can think of a million ways
You proved you weren’t the one
So live inside of your shades of gray
And never mind the sunshine
That I’ll find…

I got so much space now
I’ve got a whole house
With the wind blowin’ through
It’s only somewhere to hide
I’ve got this whole world inside
I was accustomed to showing you

All good things
I wish you
All good things
Come to an end
All good things
I wish you well

Oh

All good things…
Oh oh
All good things
Oh oh, oh oh
All good things…
Oh I wish you well…

I was doing some
video marathon of Mandy Moore songs at youtube.com then I started to feel like
writing again…

Music is something
I grew up with, my grandparents make me sleep while singing a song when I was
little. At age 7 my favorite song was
Nonoy Zuñiga’s “Ngayon at Kailanman”. Its not that I have a great voice but I was with Lea Salonga when I was
9 years old on one of her Banco Filipino sponsored shows at Fiesta Carnival
singing “Rainbow connection and Someones waiting for you”; I dubbed a little
girls voice for a lunchtime drama program in the radio entitled “Simatar”. I’m a
member of the school/church choir all my life. I remember Sharon Cuneta as my favorite Singer at age 9, I can even sing
most of her songs like “Langis at Tubig and Sanay wala ng wakas” at age 11.  My voice changed when I got sick of soar
throat and it went very bad… when I got my voice back it was very different and
I hardly sing even inside my bathroom.

But the family
loves music even if music doesn’t loves them back hehehe. So, I have no choice, every family
gathering all the musically inclined
member of the clan would sing. Although
I’d rather listen to them sing but when everyone is finished I was always
forced to sing a song or two. Carpenters songs are my favorite songs to sing
because I always hear them from my Tita’s. I don’t have any particular type of music that I like but the lyrics of the
songs I hear always counts. I like I-axe
Band for the song “Ako’y sayo ika’y akin lamang”, I started watching Freestyle gigs
because of the song “So slow”. “I knew I loved you before I met you by

Savage

made my heart beats faster and the song “Before I let you go” made me fall in
love all over again and hearing it often makes me cry.

Few weeks ago, a
special friend, asked me to listen to some songs by Mandy

Moore

… and “All good things” became my
favorite. The song seems to be bitter of
a lost love but she wishes the person well in the process. I liked it the first time I heard it and I
liked it even better when I got hold of its lyrics. “Extraordinary, Moonshadow, So Real and Have
a little faith in me” are some nice songs by Mandy Moore as well.

But there’s one
song that strikes me and made me feel… the words of the song are simple… but meaningful. So, let me share it with you… the song is
actually something that you can dedicate to someone in your fantasy… hahaha.

(Davey… this one’s
for you grizzlybear)

I Wanna Be With You

By Mandy

Moore

I try but I can’t seem to get myself to think of anything but you
Your breath on my face your warm, gentle kiss I taste the truth, I taste the
truth
We know what I came here for
So I won’t ask for more

[CHORUS]
I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the on who’s in your arms to hold you tight
I wanna be with you
There’s nothing more to say
There’s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you

So I’ll hold you tonight like I would if you were mine to hold forevermore
And I’ll savor each touch that I’ve wanted so much to feel before, to feel
before
How beautiful it is
Just to be like this

[CHORUS]

Oh, baby
I can’t fight this feeling anymore(anymore)
Drives me crazy when I try to
So call my name and take my hand
Can you make my wish, baby, your command(command)?
Yeah

[CHORUS]

Oh yeah
I wanna be with you
Wanna be with you, ooo, yeah
I wanna be, I wanna be

I’m sure you were all familiar with the movie Peter
Pan. One highlight of the film besides
Captain Hook being afraid of crocodiles is that Peter Pan’s shadow can walk
away from him. Curios huh! Well, when we visited Science Centrum my
curiosity ended.  There was this exhibit there which is called
“Shadow Freezing”. You go inside the
room stand in front of the wall while the bright lights are open and after a
few seconds close the lights and walk away from the wall and… there you leave
your shadow frozen on the wall. Nice
experience and upon looking at my shadow left on the wall my mind started to go
whirling to a lot of things.

They say shadows are reflections -
reflections of how we look like or what shape does things has. We can even play a game using our hands
making some animal shadows. Our hands
can reflect the shadow of a dog, horse, bird or a rabbit. Reflections thou has a deeper meaning than
that of just being a shadow.

Shadows are just a reflection of
a persons feature or his body posture/movement. One might look big and strong on his shadow but you wouldn’t know
if the person who has that shadow feels the same way. What am I pointing at?!

All of us has shadows that
reflects us but such reflections doesn’t really mean who we are. You wouldn’t know a person by just looking
at his reflections right?! I mean one
person might have the most angelic face that anyone could see but has the worst
demonic attitude and some can have a strong, terrifying look but has the
softest heart. This is a good example
of the saying “Do not judge a book by its cover.”

This may seem weird but no matter
how bad a person can be I can still see the goodness that is in him (even the
person has done nothing good to me); no matter how nice and sweet someone can
be I can still see the lies in his eyes; no matter how boyish a girl may move I
can still see the girl in her; no matter how feminine he may seem to others I
can still feel the man within him; no matter how old a person might look like there
is still a child inside him.

It is nice to see beyond the
reflection, it feels good reading between the lines… but sometimes seeing and
knowing to much can be painful enough to make you wish you were blind.

Another year had passed… 2007 was a tiring and fruitful year for me.  I don’t leave with the past but the past gives me the hope to look forward to the coming year.  So, to start the year right… let me reminisce and tell you what I missed from last year:

Setting up at the new office in January;

Yung swimming sa "Agape House" during my sister’s birthday in February;

Going up and down the school stage 7 times para sabitan ng medal si Nico last March;

Toxic days in April setting up new accounts habang wala si Chacha;

More than 2 thousand na card number to be canceled galing sa chargehelp in May;

ang pagtataray ng client ni AM at never ending na reklamo ni AM sa headset;

Training with the other Supervisor and Team Leaders;

The drinking session with the old bar at Splendido (remember that?);

The kiss… hmmm, joke time,  tuksuhan, walang katapusang kilig sa ICQ, kainan sa kung saan saan ng grupo

The tambay time sa house in Jojo at ang barbecue syempre;

Walang uwian ng 2 days at aircon room ni Jojo;

Team Buildings at ang swimming sa Laguna;

Chickahan with the badings of outbound;

pictorial with adult support group;

snacktime sa HR at delivery ng cake at ice cream kay Sir D;

Kantahan at inuman blues with Migs, Patrick, PJ at Ian;

Hanging out with Monio at Jeff lalo na pag lasing na si Jojo, galing magpakabading!

Dance steps ni Briel at  phonetics like V as in… alam mo na yon hehehe;

Pagse-sermon kay EJ;

Kakulitan ni Grace at Kat pag nalalasing;

Kwentuhan with Allan about you know who;

Words of Wisdom ni Flor at famous squid rings;

Comedy moments with Arvin at Felix;

Mga comments ni Farah at pagkapasaway ni Thea;

Iyakan blues at pa-morningan drinking marathon with bestfriend Ajhay;

Breaktime or polo sessions at insensitivity ni  Alvin (manhid!);

Mga pasalubong at sweetness ni Jon;

ang pagkabanidosa ni Carla;

ang awayan ni JC at Abi;

pag-gu-good morning kay Ajhay para kay Nero;

ang mga paulit-ulit na questions ni Rommel at paginit ng ulo ni Nicki;

mga katangahan ni Loyce sa pag-ibig;

Food tripping, shopping, foot spa galore at kilig stories of chacha;

at ang sleepy eyes at mga out of this world na questions at topics ni Alvin (mabanggit lang);

Year 2007 has ended… but there are a lot of things that happened that year that would always makes me smile.  There are a lot of people that have come and go but they will always have a soft spot in my heart.  Happy New Year everyone!

      Well…
well… we come across moments that we feel bored… but there’s
a lot of things to do; sad… but there are a lot of things to be happy
about; in short nonsense to feel down but we can’t help but feel
it… me and my friends call that the “SENTI MOMENT”… we
feel like crying but there’s no need to cry…  What do we do when we
feel that way???

     Guys,
normally drink that feeling out and some girls do the same.  There are woman
who goes to the parlor and even without any occasion will undergo a total make
over (expensive!);  some would cook and eat their heart out until they almost
vomit (fatening!); others will have movie marathons watching action flicks or
suspense thriller until they can imagine that they are the killer (scary!) or
immunes themselves in watching romance movies starring Meg Ryan on You’ve
got mail; Adam Sandler on 50 first dates or Sandra Bullock on While You were
sleeping. (torture!) few, like me tortures themselves to sentimental music
until it makes us cry and fall asleep. (tiring to cry but the sleep after was
totally relaxing)

      So
upon doing so, here are the lyrics of two songs  that touches your heart…
I know some of you can relate with them … join me on my “SENTI
MOMENT” hehehe 

 
I’M ALMOST OVER YOU

I saw an old friend of
our today
She asked about you and I didn’t quite know what to say
Heard you’ve been makin’ the rounds round here
While I’ve been tryin’ to make the tears disappear

Now I’m almost over you
I’ve almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you’ll see
That I’m almost over you

You’re such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
For you leavin’ come easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
‘Cause it seems like forever but I’m lettin’ you go

Now I’m almost over you
I’ve almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you’ll see
That I’m almost over you

I can forgive you and soon I’ll forget all my shattered dreams

You took the love that
you wanted and left me the misery

Now I’m almost over you
I’ve almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you’ll see
That I’m almost over you

SPECIAL
MEMORY

You will always be
A special part of me
You will always be
A special memory
I’ll always cherish wonderful moments
you have given me
You are in my heart
Wherever I may be
Wherever I may be

All the times we’ve shared
Will always be to me
Songs my heart would sing
With pleasing melody
I’ll put together all of your letters
like a symphony
I’ll remember you
Wherever I may be

I’ll put together all of your letters
like a symphony
I’ll remember you
Wherever I may be
I’ll remember you
I’ll remember you
I’ll remember you
Wherever I may be
Wherever I may be
A special memory

     Really, some good things never last… but its always nice to reminisce and bring back memories once in a while.  Remebering them can make you smile!

The past
two months I had spent a lot of time to
think, gave me a lot of chance to reflect on my life, of who I am, what I’ve
done and brought me to a realization that as time goes by ready or not… everything might end for
me. 

There
will be no yesterday to look back to and no tomorrow to look forward to; There
will be no sunrise to wait and no
sunset to watch; No rain to bathe from
and air to breathe. There will be no second, minutes, hours or days.

Everything
that I’ve collected and saved, everything that I bought and kept, everything
that I have will not matter anymore. All the wealth that I have and the money I have worked for, saved and
everything that I have will be irrelevant.

My
complaints, resentments and frustrations will be gone. My jealousies, anger and pain will all
disappear. My hopes, dreams, ambitions,
plans and to do list that Chacha keeps on asking me to do will expire. The wins and losses will all fade away.

It
will not matter where I came from, where I grew up, studied or work at. All the time I spent fixing my self, getting
thin or the wanting to get sexy, pretty and brilliant will be just a part of memories
and does not serve any relevance at all.

No
matter how many times I rise and fall on love and relationships, or how happy
and painful they have been, no matter how many times I cried, smiled is not
important anymore.

So
what will matter ? How will my days be measured then?

Now
what will matter would be what I have given and what I have build; What will
matter is my significance not my success… not what I have learned but what I
have taught others…

What matters is
every act of kindness, compassion, every act of integrity… the courage to fight
for others and sacrifices I have made , the way I empowered weakened heart and
encouraged a hopeless soul.

What
will matter is my character not my competence…what will matter is not how many
people I knew, but how many lives have I touched and how good of an example I have been.

What
will matter is how many friends will feel a lasting loss when I am gone…

How many tear of gratefulness
will fall for me and how many people will smile

remembering the memories we’ve
had. How many years will those memories
linger in their mind and what a peaceful feeling it might brought them.

What
will be important is how long will you be remembered by whom and for what.

Living
a life that matters is not by accident but by choice… now I can’t help but
wonder… at the end of my time … can I say I have lived a life that matters to
everyone I love and cared for? Can’t
help but wonder… how about you?

I was in the middle of a struggle, I’ve been thinking of what to do… then I opened my mail and came accross this story.  God is really good, He knows what we need and when we need it.

To my friends, Nicki, Loyce, Abi, JC, Jojo, Carla, Thea and Farah…this is for you.  When things turn out not the way you expected, don’t give up!  When others treat you badly, never give up!  For they might not be answering to us but to God.  Humble yourself for blessed are the humbled ones for God shares their sufferings and in the end God will share you His Glory.  Love yah guys!

One day I decided to quit…
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me…
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light.

I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would
not quit." He said.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant…But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".

"I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you."
"Don’t compare yourself to others."

He said.

"The bamboo had adifferent Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.

"You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?"

I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don’t tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

One question has confused me this days… Is it infatuation or is it love?  Easy question but I find it very difficult to answer.  Ha! Good luck to me until I finally find the answers hehehe.  So, let me write about this  and see if my own writing can convince me about it.

Infatuation as how merriam-webster describes it - is to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration while Love is a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Having said that, do you think everyone understood their meaning?

I don’t think so… let’s try to analyze those words… getting its simple meaning - infatuation is a strong admiration.  Oh ok, so if you admire someone because their smart, funny, sweet or friendly, pretty, sexy etc. and you put emotions into that admiration then that would mean your infatuated.  Very simple right?!  So when you like someone because of the attitude, looks and personality; or it makes you smile just seeing that person; you get contented with just having a glimpse of him passing by - That’s definitely infatuation. Ok now, I admit I’m infatuated.

Now, how about love?  It is a  strong affection - affection as in tender attachment or a pleasurable feeling of consciousness, arising out of kinship or relationship or personal ties. Ok, got that! So,  When you become close… you feel jitters in your spine when you happen to catch him looking at you and you blush every time he smiles at you; then you start being affected by his/her presence; by his/her opinion and you get hurt by mere words; you do things to please him/her and you make him feel special; when you can’t pass a day without thinking of the person and when it makes you cry just knowing he likes someone else then that must have been love.  What?! This is getting to be more confusing now.

Defining them is quite easy right?  Differentiating them is simple as well but how about if you feel all of those?!  Something like, you feel you’re both infatuated and in love?! Actually, it feels good, warm and nice but hard as well.  But then that would be something  more than what you can imagine.

While thinking and writing this I remembered the movie “10 things I hate about you”, the girl wrote a poem… that poem shows the confusion of someone’s heart.  Let me share with you my own version of that poem. (This one’s for you J)

I hate the way you talk to me

And the way you piss me off.

I hate the way you drive me crazy

I hate it when you bluff.

I hate it when you show you’re smart

And the way you read my mind.

I hate you’re smile and your sleepy eyes

It makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh

Even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it that you’re not around

And the fact that you are so far.

But mostly, I hate the way that I don’t hate you

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

Confusing di ba?!  Well, no matter how confused we are, the most important thing is we share this love or whatever feelings to other people… Let’s all be in love with love itself.

Just want to share with you the song that will always reminds me of Him… "sigh" daanin na lang natin sa buntunghininga hahaha… Dolly, girl sad you did not meet him but I’ll be glad to share you the story… vodkha lang katapat nito lol.

"Out Of Reach"

Knew the signs
Wasn’t right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You’ll be out of my mind
And I’ll be over you

But now I’m
So confused,
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn’t see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There’s a life out there
For me